I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We need to get me chipped asap
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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