It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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