I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
