well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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