Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
