The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My feet surprised me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
