even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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