I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
