On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize