Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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