I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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