This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
