Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
