Are we in a gay sports bar?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
