I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
