you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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