oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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