walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
