You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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