We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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