its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
