im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
