Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
