He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
