Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You ate ashes out of my bong
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
