Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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