Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
