So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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