she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
