my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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