I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
