I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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