I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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