We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
