The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
