Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
