Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
