I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
