Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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