My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
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This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
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I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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