I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
