the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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