i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
