People in love make me want to vomit
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
