Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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