I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
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I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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