census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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