Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
