what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
bring money and cleavage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
