Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
