dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
