They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
