My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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