just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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