I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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