My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
