I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
