Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
