God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
