Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
