I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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